Duncan couple seeking adoption match
Ben and Ashley Remick have always dreamed of having a big family.
The Duncan couple exchanged vows in 2008 and shortly thereafter began to explore the possibility of children.
“When Ben and I first met, we both talked about families,” Ashley said. “We have always wanted to have a family. We'd love to have a big family. We talked about having our own.”
Ashley’s parents were foster parents, and she spent nine years as a case manager at Southeastern Children’s Home in Duncan.
“I know there’s a need,” Ashley said. “We’d always talked about adoption as a possibility, but in our minds at the time it was down the road. It would be once we had kids.
“Then, we got married, and we struggled with primary infertility,” she said.
The couple eventually gave birth to a daughter, Rain, who is now 6 years old. Since then, however, the Remicks suffered through four miscarriages.
“It was really hard,” Ashley said. “The first one was tough because that had never happened before.
“It was almost a year to the date for the first couple of miscarriages, which was really odd,” she said. “It’s hard to talk about. It’s a lot easier now because we’ve kind of put ourselves out there, but you feel isolated. You feel alone because you don’t realize how many people actually go through that.”
The Remicks turned to family for support and researched what they could do differently.
“We got to a point where we’ve had three [miscarriages],” Ashley said, and research indicated that people did not usually have more than that before they were successful again.
“Then, we weren’t,” she said. “We prayed a lot. We cried a lot. As [Rain] got older, it got harder. She knew more.”
Rain became aware that her mom was going in for surgery, and they would tell her she was going to be a big sister. Then, they would have to explain why she wasn’t.
“I am a big sister,” Rain said.
Her mother explained how they talk about Rain’s siblings being in heaven.
Rain asked, “What would you have named them?”
“We talk about that a lot,” Ashley said. “We just look forward to expanding our family.”
The Remicks also talk about adoption a lot, a dream that has only grown in recent years.
Recently, the Remicks partnered with Doug and Heather Lawson to raise funds for adopting children into their families.
Last week, the fundraiser at Pizza Inn brought in a little under $1,000 for the couples to share toward their goals of more than $12,000 to cover attorney fees, court fees and more.
“Adoptions can range anywhere from $5,000 to $55,000 depending on the route that you go,” said Ashley Remick. “Right now, we’re trying to do a private adoption with an attorney.”
Ashley, who has a younger sister and brother, said she dreams of a sibling for Rain.
She remembers her family being “loud and big and messy” which was “not always our favorite, but we love kids.”
Born in Columbia, Ashley grew up in church.
“[God] always is there to listen to us even in some of our darkest times so during the miscarriages and during the struggles that we’ve had, we’ve been able to turn to that, so while we feel alone, we’re not always alone in that,” she said.
“One day, we’ll be in heaven, and there won’t be any more pain There won’t be suffering. There won’t be the struggles that the world offers. I look forward to that.”
The Remicks recently had their home study completed to make sure they had room for another child.
“They’re not looking at necessarily how clean your house is,” Remick said. “It’s more to get to know you and what you want to do.”
The Remicks started the application process through the Department of Social Services (DSS) three years ago, but there was a freeze in the region for the youngest age range, which the couple wanted.
There were too many families and not enough children under the age of six.
“We kind of just put it on the back burner,” Remick said.
Last July, the Remicks filled out the application, attending classes on foster children and adopted children.
“We did the trainings,” Ashley said. “We had to fill out background checks” and medical forms and finger printing.
“It’s really expensive,” she said. “It’s hard to put your story out there. We had not shared a whole lot with everybody about our losses and just how that kind of affected us. We prayed about it a lot. We talked about it.”
Thanks to their support system, the Remicks began the journey to adoption.
“Now, we’re waiting,” Ashley said. “We have no idea what to expect. We just are trusting that God knows what He’s doing and that eventually we will have the child that is supposed to be in our home.
“We really hope, ideally for us, it would be a local, local-ish, expectant mom, a birth mom that we would be able to have an open relationship with,” she said. “We would love to have an open adoption. I know that that’s really important to have the family history.”
With the great financial burden that comes with adoption, the Remicks began to save and cut what can be cut.
“We got rid of cable,” Ashley said. “We cut out going out to eat as much. We’ve done as much as we can to lead up to this so we can start putting some of this aside so we can be prepared.”
“Raising kids is expensive regardless,” she said
“It makes it so much easier when you’ve got people that are encouraging you and praying for you on a regular basis.”
Sharing their story of four miscarriages has “opened up opportunities for other people to talk,” Ashley said.
“It’s been amazing to hear other stories from people,” she said. “Now, we’re moving in a direction that something is going to happen.”
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